dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
