cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
