mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
last night I used snow as a chaser
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
