Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
