I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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