Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
