i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
