so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
