you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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