dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
