i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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