Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize