he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
