I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
