My friends, they love my intelligence
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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