Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
