gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
