are you so shy because you have an std?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize