Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
