I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
