If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
