you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
