I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
