I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
