she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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