This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I touched a dick in church today
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
