You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
