My nipple is on Facebook.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So much rum. So many feels.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
