Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
