Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
