It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
