that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
