I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
