Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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