No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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