It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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