Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
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i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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