you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
