worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
