lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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