oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
