she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.