Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.