at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
