when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
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They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
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The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.