That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van