his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
