you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
