She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
