thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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