I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
