so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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