I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm just crazy horny about you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
