Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
