Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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