Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
