OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
