she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
