i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
