everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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