Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
and she was petting her beer can
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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