the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
