tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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