Whod you bang
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
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You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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