I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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