It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
