Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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