So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
