why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
