I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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