You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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