but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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