all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
