id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
