Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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