1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
