i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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