you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
