...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
