how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
