One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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