NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
