Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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